God hates me
by Dacara
Summary: Passed out Naruto ends up on a pirate ship with certain redeyed captain and his little brother. Things can't go worst now, can they?... Believe me... they can X3 IxN SxN It's my first English fic so I'm a bit nervous.Don't flame too much XP
1. God hates me

'God hates me,' he thought. His little boat was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by endless ocean. So far the clear sky was getting darker, more clouds were appearing,and the blowing wind turned from warm breezes into cold gusts.Suddenly, a streak of bright lightning flashed across the sky, and about 3 seconds later a loud crash of thunder was heard.

Naruto shuddered. He had left his hometown, determined to become the greatest sailor of all the seas. Not caring about equipment or supplies, he stole a boat and set out sailing, heading... anywhere other than where he had been. Now he was stuck out here (well... wherever that 'here' was in the vast ocean), shivering in the cold wind from the nearing storm, without food or water... or paddles as a matter of fact...yeah... life was so beautiful.

The boy felt like he was on the edge of starvation- he hadn't eaten for almost eight hours, and he was sure that it was world record. He closed his eyes and lied in the bottom of the boat, between the rowing benches, and contemplated his luck (or rather lack of). The sea was getting rougher, and the rocking of the boat lulled him to sleep.

The blond boy didn't see the ship sailing in his direction, nor the people screaming on board and pointing their fingers at him. When the larger boat got closer, long hooks came down from the ship and pulled the lifeboat near the side. Two men jumped down and hauled the sleeping boy on board to show him to the captain.

The tall man with long black silky hair smiled coldly, his crimson eyes shining with excitement.

"Take him to my cabin," he ordered. Two men nodded and carried the teen under the deck.

Naruto was fast asleep and oblivious to everything that was happening.

The storm was rough and furious. Tall waves were throwing the ship from side to side, almost sinking it. Every member of the crew was working desperately as they tried to save the boat and their lives (this order was decided by captain). The only thing keeping them from being washed over were the security ropes round their hips. After three hours of heroic fighting they left the stormy sea behind and finally reached calmer water.

The ship had some minor damages, but it was nothing serious. Ordinary people may say that it was a miracle that nobody died and the ship was still able to sail. But on this boat, with THIS captain, it was far from being unusual- they had survived much greater dangers without so much as a scratch. . And their lives were always full- they were pirates, after all.

Naruto was feeling great. A bit hungry, but great. Surrounded by a warm blanket, on a cozy bed, with strong arms around him... with...strong arms...around...him? (30 seconds for thinking)

'WHAT THE FUCK?!?' ( effect of thought process)

He carefully opened his eyes only to see a ribcage. And he could tell that it was definitely not a feminine one. It was way too broad and muscled to belong to a woman, ) but the skin was almost snow-white, which made it look more delicate. Oh, and there were no breasts.

There were pale pink nipples and trail of black hair, which started near man's bellybutton and disappeared under fabric of his dark trousers; it looked really dark in comparison with his creamy skin.

"Like what you see?" a calm voice asked, and the boy jumped in surprise realizing he was staring. He turned his head to look in the man's face and saw a pair of big, blood-red eyes watching him and sly smile across narrow slightly open lips. For a moment he watched other man's face. Then suddenly realizing that his chest was bare (where the hell was his shirt and jacket?!?), being hugged in a bed by a half-naked MAN.

Naruto pulled back, falling from the bed and landing hard on his ass. Then, still not standing up, he scooted back until his shoulders hit the opposite wall. Well, considering that it was fairly small cabin he had crawled only about 2 meters from the edge of the bed. After thinking for a short while, he decided that there wasn't enough free space between them so he slowly stood up and reached for the door handle; only to find out the door was locked.

OH SHIT

Itachi couldn't help but smile. Blond boy was surprised, shocked and scared, all those feelings shown clearly in his beautiful, big, blue eyes. Lithe tanned body with slightly muscled stomach and arms, was one of the most exciting things he ever saw in his whole life. And you can believe me- he saw a lot.

The were both silent for few minutes. Naruto staring at Itachi, enraged blue eyes locked with calm and amused crimson ones. Blond opened his mouth to ask ("What the hell I'm doing here?!") but only gasped loudly as Itachi raised from the bed. Three fast steps and he was standing right before the boy, his hand on Narutos chin, caressing it gently with his thumb.

"Are you scared?" he asked not stopping his finger movement. When Naruto didn't answer he smiled but his eyes remained emotionless. "I bet you are" thumb moved down and now was pressed against middle of blonds bottom lip, caressing it lightly. "You don't know where you are... how did you get here... or who I am... right?" Stupefied Naruto only nodded.

Itachis lips curled up in a smile as he sighted with satisfaction patting boys head with his hand and moving slightly away. Man turned around reaching into half open closet, finding what he was searching for. When he faced Naruto once again he was holding black silk shirt and matching vest.

"Here you are, your clothes were kinda wet. I removed them so you wouldn't catch a cold." he said handing boy the clothes. After moment of silence where Naruto remained motionless and Itachi watched him, waiting for something. Finally raven-haired man asked

"Don't you wanna get dressed?" after 10 seconds Naruto finally realized he was talked to. He

shrugged and started to put the clothes on. In the meanwhile, captain once again reached for

the closet and now was dressing into black shirt with red pattern near the hem and a vest,

much the same as the one given to the boy.

"It's slightly too big, but I don't have anything smaller" Itachi said when they were fully

clothed once again, examining the boy curiously. "you'll just have to bare with it for a while

when your clothes are drying."

"Thank you"- those were the first words Naruto has spoken while on-board. He was still a bit

shocked but his self-confidence was once again live and kicking. "So... who you are?"

Watching the man on the bed cautiously he asked "Maybe... kidnapper?"

Itachi smiled

"Rescuer rather. I'm Itachi, captain of this ship. We picked you up from a lifeboat while

you were unconscious" He grabbed a chair standing near a small desk and sat on it gesturing

towards second one. "And you are?"

Naruto took the invitation and when sated said:

"The names Naruto! I'm seventeen and I LOVE ramen!" He nodded confirming his own words,

grinning widely.

"And if I may ask... what were you doing in that boat?"

Boy, still grinning:

"Well, sailing of course!"

"..." Itachi commented

"What?"

"No... nothing" the man said trying to compose himself before asking "And where were you

sailing to?"

"..." Naruto answered stopping smiling

One minute of awkward silence

"OK, I understand"

"Like hell you understand! I'm going to be the best sailor in the seven sees! You never

know, maybe I even join the Navy and become the general! I'm gonna hunt those bastards

pirates and hung them all! Muahahaha ('evil,cheeky laugh')

"..." ('lack of reaction')

"By the way..." Naruto asked looking around "What kind of ship is this one?"

"A pirate one"

"..." ('gulp')

"..." ('evil grin')

"You know I was joking about the hanging... right?"

'Well... God really must HATE ME'

They were sitting for almost five minutes, both motionless and quiet. And maybe they would

remain there till The Dooms Day but suddenly someone knocked loudly on the door. Without

turning his head, still glaring at Naruto smiling evilly, Itachi said:

"Come in. Use the spare key, the doors are locked".

Something cracked and the door swung open. On the other side of them , in long and narrow

corridor, there was standing a boy or rather a young man. About 19 years old, very pale with

shoulder-lenght black spiky hair and... crimson eyes?

'Another one?' Naruto thought

"Aniki! Boatswain Kakashi told me that we found someone. Is that true or..." he saw Naruto and

suddenly became quiet. He stared at him, his cheeks bright red (blushing is really visible on

such a fair complexion), lips half-open to pronounce words which froze somewhere in his

brain.

Itachi cough lightly

"You want something, little brother?"

'Oh so they're brothers'

"Aniki, can I have him?"

'...WHAT?!'

"Well I was thinking about kipping him for myself..."

'...pardon...?'

"Oh please Aniki! I want him! I'll take care of him!"

'What am I... a dog?'

"If you insist"

'Huh?!'

"Thank you Aniki!"

'...I think I can't follow this conversation'

"But I'm going to play with him too, so don't be jealous"

" OK Aniki, I won't. Thank you!"

Itachi turn his head to speak to Naruto:

"You'll stay with him for the time being. His name's Sasuke and his my younger brother so I

hope you'll get along well" his face expression changed from warm and friendly into evil and

sly "Or I suddenly remember someone talking something about hanging pirates..." he gave

Naruto some time so his words would sunk into boys brain "Do I make myself clear?"

'He's a psycho! I'll better agree or he'll do something really bad to me'

"Yes"

Meanwhile Sasuke knelt before stunned Naruto and cupped his head with his palms

"So... Naruto-kun hope we'll get along well and have fun"

He leaned forward and kissed him on the lips sucking blonds bottom lip gently.

' . . . ' ('brain-mode off')

"You're all right? Ne, Naruto-kun?... Aniki whats wrong with him?"

"Give him some time Sasuke. I'm sure he'll react in... lets say 10 seconds" said Itachi cowering his ears with his palms.

10 seconds later every crew member on the ship jumped in shock when they heard somebody scream. They all were experienced pirates and they heard many people scream in pain, fear or agony but this one was different. It sounded like a mad demon stumped on a sharp piece of glass.

They had about 5 second to think about it when somebody jumped from the door leading under the deck. It was the blond boy they picked up earlier. Now dressed in captain clothes, he was running in circles searching for some way to escape... Kinda hard task in the middle of an ocean, if you ask me...


	2. Hell No!

Finally second chapter! _ spins with joy _ Well.. read... enjoy... and have fun :3

Well I must say I'm very glad that someone out there have read this fic of mine... X3 . Thank you very much for your kind words (surprisingly nobody flamed me... or maybe I'm just too dumb to get it? ;P )

**antisocial69:** Glad you liked it!

**Goodwin**d: First of all thanks for that hint about anonymous reviews, I didn't know there were disabled, but I already fixed that. And secondly I want to thank you for your review!

**My smile hides my pain:** As you asked here's the update. Enjoy!

**belzebulbul:** Cieszę się, że ci się spodobało! Bardzo miło było zobaczyć język polski wśród rewiewsów, szczeże mówiąc nie spodziewałam się tego! X3

**Kitsuned:**I'm so sorry you had to wait so long, but here it is. I hope you'll like it!

**kurai :** Tiger... hmmm... _ mischievous grin _ I think I can do that... _ everyone that knows what that smile means runs away _ Ok kurai, I can promise you that there will be a tiger in this fic, but not in this or next chapter... hmmm tiger... _ runs to her pc to write down all the crazy ideas that crossed her psychotic mind _

**kitsune:** Well let's be honest... Naruto is quite predictable, isn't he? Thx for the review, and please tell me what do you think about him in this chapter!

**RickaZcurser**:... _ eats her cookie _ Thank you... I love you... _ Dacara is a very cookie-loving person _

**Teryn Lee Reinking: **Here you are! Hope you'll enjoy it.

**Sentry:** Yup, I agree with you, the hanging part definitely wasn't a smart move, but we're talking about Naruto here! And about the mistakes, please tell me which parts are written badly, I'll try to correct them.

**BigEyes:** Here's the next chapter! I'll be looking forward to see you're reviews!

**PirateCaptainBo: **Yes, there should be 'keeping' there... I'll correct it now. Also thx for your review! And no Bo, I won't use Kubi in this fic... I think it would be too dangerous... You know right, fire-fox ( oh god, is that a commercial?! But you know what I mean, right?) on a wooden ship...

**Leighbriel-Misokita:** Ok, glad you liked it! I hope you'll also like the second part!

'...' Naruto's thoughts

/.../ Sasuke's thoughts

Chapter 2

"HELL NO!'

"Naruto-kun, come down!" Sasuke called to the blond boy who was currently sitting on the yard about 20 meters above the deck. The teen had refused to leave this spot for over 3 hours, much to enjoyment of the crew and dissatisfaction of the raven-haired siblings; proving that stubbornness was definitely a part of his personality.

"Naruto-kun?" Once again there was no response.

"Sasuke, let him be," Itachi's voice came floating from the direction of the rudder.

"But Aniki..."

"Don't worry," captain grinned "I have already taken some steps. I can guaranty that he'll be down in no time, so take it easy and come here" Sasuke only shrugged his shoulders and without further delay, joined Itachi.

'Finally, he left' thought Naruto shifting his body a little (his ass ached so much that there was no comfortable position to sit in, but whatever...). The teens eyes followed the moving spot until the two brothers were standing together and discussing something over huge map. Naruto sighed when his stomach suddenly grumbled.

"I bet you're hungry," came voice from his left.

"Yeah, I am." He answered without thinking, but when he turned his head to look he almost fell over. Sitting next to him was a tall white haired man with an eye-patch over one eye and mask covering bottom of his face.

"Yo" The man said rising his hand in carefree greeting.

"Don't 'Yo' me! Who the heck are you?!" Naruto screamed as he moved away. He was balancing dangerously on the narrow beam, anger clearly shown on his face.

"I'm Kakashi, boatswain and Uchiha's personal cook."

"Uchiha's? Who're they?" The word 'cook' had magical effect on the boy who suddenly became friendly and calm.

"Captain and his little brother" Came the answer. "I'm ordered to take you down because Itachi-sama wants you to..."

"No way!" Naruto cut off, not letting Kakashi to finish "I'm not going to listen to what that psycho wants! Never! Not in million years! I'd rather jump off than..."

"...join him for dinner?" Boatswain interjected and when he saw that the boy was still unsure he added: "There's ramen"

After 10 seconds of silence Naruto asked:

"What are we still doing here?"

"I must say ... you were really hungry..." Itachi murmured as he examined rows of empty ramen bowls which covered whole table in his cabin.

"Yup... ne Kakashi-san..." The boy smiled sweetly looking at the cook with big blue puppy-dog eyes.

"You STILL want seconds?" The white-haired man shook his head in disbelief while giving Naruto the last bowl. "If you keep up this pace we'll need to dock somewhere to replenish our supplies..." Before this sentence ended, yet another bowl ended up on top of shaky construction, made of dishes, chopsticks and huge load of luck.

"That would be all Kakashi," The Captain nodded towards the boatswain and Kakashi left without further delay. "So Naruto-kun..." Itachi focused his attention completely on the blond boy before him. In his hand was a knife (or rather, a small dagger) which was left from the dinner. He was playing with it, throwing and catching it in midair, or balancing the blade on the very tip of his pointer-finger. "I think we need to talk..."

'I knew it was too good to last too long...' Naruto thought preparing himself mentally for the conversation, which he knew would be neither easy nor pleasant.

"About what?" he asked but when he saw Itachis expression he realized he was missing something "...captain...?"

Itachi only nodded before he spoke:

"Well I thought it was quite obvious, but if you insist to play dumb..." He looked at confused boy."... Or maybe you're not plying..."

'I don't know why but I have a feeling that I'm being offended,' The blond thought, moving nervously on his chair.

"We need to get some things clear," Itachi stated.

"Yup."

"You're going to live on my ship from now on...agree?" It wasn't really a question, just a fact.

"Yup." Came another answer, but the boys' eyes weren't fixed on captains face, but rather on the blade in his hand which moved swiftly and gracefully and totally ignored most of the laws of gravity.

'Like I have any choice...'

"You're going to listen to my every order..." The knife flew high up in the air nearly hitting the ceiling and came down only to land in agile fingers of the captain who, Naruto realized wasn't watching the blade, but him. "...and every order of Sasuke unless they're different from the ones I gave you earlier."

'You wish' He thought but nevertheless nodded his agreement.

"You'll get our tattoo with my crest later on," Itachi continued his speech. "So even if you succeed in escaping which is really doubtful, if you're seen with it you'll be hanged immediately." And he smiled... Evilly... Like usual.

'At least it won't hurt...' He consoled himself.

"Oh, and just to warn you...It'll hurt like hell, but it's bearable... for most people." A malicious grin graced the mans face and Naruto became suddenly very pale. "And just in case..." The smirk disappeared completely and his face was serious. Deadly serious. "If you ever...EVER try to disobey or worst escape- I'll PERSONALY punish you. And I can bet my whole ship with the crew..." Suddenly the knife left Itachis hand and now was about 3 millimetres from Narutos ear, still vibrating from the power of the throw which made it almost completely disappear in the wooden wall, so that only the hilt was visible. "...You won't like it."

'You mother fucker... I hope you die in agony…rot in hell you jackass...' As you can say Naru-chan wished Itachi only... pleasant experiences...

"Do I make myself clear?"

"Yup," And when he saw mans cold gaze he corrected himself "Um... I mean, yes Captain"

'OK... I think I've gotten myself in trouble.'

And he was right.

"Scrub it harder!" Kisame-yaro ... pardon ... Kisame-san yelled at Naruto, who was currently on his knees washing the wooden floor of the ship.

"If I scrub it any harder I'll make a fucking hole in the deck!" The boy yelld back, throwing dirty rag he was using straight in the man who made him clean the whole big ship for last... wait, how long was it already...1...2...oh, 6 hours.

The pale blue face became red when the man screamed:

"You little piece of shit! You think you can get away with this!?"

3 fast steps and shark-faced man held Naruto half a meter above the deck by his throat, successfully cutting off his oxygen supply. The boy started to struggle, trying to free himself from the suffocating grab, but he was way too weak to compete with bigger and stronger man.

After a while his vision went blurry and white snowflakes-like stains covered everything.

His legs stopped kicking the air and hands swung freely by his sides after letting go of Kisames wrists. He could hear his heartbeats getting slower and slower with every beat...

Suddenly strong arms grabbed his waist as he was pulled into tight embrace, cold hands removed from his neck. When his vision cleared a bit he saw Shark-man laying on the deck, arms clenching his stomach, face full of pain and anger. He wasn't able to stand up so he remained in that position, recovering from the powerful blow which had sent him flying.

'Suits you right, Sushi-chan' boy thought weakly.

A chilly hand gently soothed Narutos violated throat where Kisames fingers had left marks; red now, but soon became dark violet.

"You OK Naruto-kun?" Came quiet voice when Sasuke asked.

The younger boy wanted to answer, but the only thing that left his half-parted lips were some wheezing noises. He tried again, but it was still no good, and when he felt even weaker he passed out.

Sasukes pale skin became red with rage as he heard those answers and realised that the boy was unconscious. He turned towards Kisame who eventually managed to stand on shaky legs in front of him.

Then somebody put a hand on boys shoulder. When the teen turned around he saw his brother standing beside him with serious expression on his face and eyes locked on Kisame.

Captain needed only to raise his hand and 2 bulky man appeared before him awaiting orders which soon came. One of them took Naruto from Sasukes arms and carried him under the deck while the second one grabbed Kisames sword and pistol living him defenceless before the angry Itachi. The raven-haired man shook his head and in a short while the only ones left on the deck were him, Sasuke and Shark-man.

Kisame twitched when Itachi began to close the distance between them. Soon he was standing right before him, blank face and cold emotionless eyes making him look more like vengeance-full spirit than a normal human-being.

"Kisame..." His voice was like his facial expression- impossible to read. "I think I told you to take care of Narutto-kun, not try to kill him" He was quiet, waiting for the mans' reply.

Shark-man shook his head, baring his sharp teeth when he hissed:

"Itachi-sama, this brat threw a filthy rag in my face!" And after composing himself he added more, trying to convince the captain of his innocence. "He didn't even work properly; he was slacking of every time I let him out of my sight!"

"Really?" And when Kisame nodded, his face showing first signs of hope, Itachi said: "Well if I recall correctly I told you to NEVER let him out of your sight, or was I wrong?"

Crimson pools of blood darkened as he reached out, his hand landing on Sharks neck, fingers moving slowly and gently, almost caressing the skin.

"Tell me Kisame... am I wrong?" He asked but without waiting for answer he tightened his grasp, sharp nails digging in, cutting the skin like knives, tearing it apart.

Shark-man tugged his head back trying to free himself, but he already knew that it was no good. Even though he was over one meter higher than Itachi and much more muscled, the smaller man was way stronger.

Suddenly everything ended. The strangling hold disappeared and blood flew freely from wounds previously cowered with slim digits, bathing his upper-body with crimson fluid which soon started to sink into his dark cloak.

"That was your first and final warning" Itachi said turning away and heading under the deck, Sasuke on his heals. "Next time you fuck up... Oh, I think you know, what will happen with you..."

Even though Kisame couldn't see captains face, he knew that there was a wide grin spreading there, as he mocked him.

'Just wait and see, you bastard... Just wait...' Shark thought, bending his head so enraged eyes and tightly closed lips would remain hidden if raven-haired man decided to once again turn towards him... But he didn't.

When the 2 brothers disappeared down the dark corridor, a shaky breath left his lips. As he raised his head, cold eyes locked on the spot where they melted into shadows. An evil smirk graced his face as he hissed quietly:

"Just wait Itachi...Just wait"

Once again Naruto woke up in unfamiliar bed, but this time there was no other body pressed against his. He was fully clothed, and it looks like he was covered with thin blanket earlier, which now was tangled around his feet.

The boy yawned widely, fisted hands wiping away tears from corners of his eyes, and looked around. He was laying on a narrow bed, which was occupying most of the space of a cramped room and was surrounded by cabinets filled with small delicate bottles, mugs and jars.

As he was debating with himself whether he should or shouldn't leave the bed, someone opened the door. On the other side there was a medium-height man with mop of dark-brown hair tugged into messy ponytail. He had a scar trailing across his nose and both cheeks.

The mans face was solemn but when he saw Naruto was conscious, he smiled a smile which reached his eyes.

'I like him already,' The boy thought and smiled back.

"I see you're awake, I'm glad" The man told the boy, as he came closer. "I'm Iruka, and I'm going to take care of you now. I'm a doctor here."

"...I'm...Na...ru..to" Teen tried to answer, but his throat was too sore to speak clearly.

"It's OK Naruto-kun, your windpipe is slightly damaged, so try not to talk too much." Iruka said handing the boy cup half-filled with some dark and sticky-looking liquid.

"Drink this, you'll fell better."

Naruto looked suspiciously into the cup, but nodded and drunk everything in one go... and just as he thought... it was awful- like most medicines.

"Oh, nice one Naruto" Doctor grinned again and said. "I think you earned yourself some reward with this brave behaviour... Anything you want?" Doctor asked not knowing yet that he would get himself into lots of trouble with this question.

'Ne, I think I'll be sick for quite some time.' He smirked craftily as he opened his lips to pronounce only one word, which came out surprisingly easy:

"RAMEN!"

At the same time in captains cabin, Itachi and Sasuke were sitting alone, heavy silence between them.

"So... Sasuke-chan...want me to hug you again?" Itachi smirked mockingly as Sasuke smirked back, his face as frigid as his brothers, and answered:

"Go and fuck yourself... Aniki" He added after small pause. "I wouldn't hug you again even if you put a gun to my head." (a/n: Mangagirl D.J. This one is for u ;3)

"My my, such harsh words coming from such a little boy," Sasuke eyes narrowed as he gritted his teeth. "Oh, are we angry?"

"Aniki," Sasuke spoke after composing himself quickly. "How could I be angry at you?" An innocent smile graced his face; his eyes, however, could kill... and they tried. "You're my only family left after some fucked up psycho slaughtered our whole clan just to ease some pressure he had because he felt unloved and had some weird power-trip...oh wait a moment…Sorry, I forgot; that was you." He ended waving his hand.

"Yup, good old me... The same me that left one brat alive because he was so disgustingly weak it was not even worth it to throw a knife in his back... In his back, because that useless piece of shit didn't even have enough guts to face his family killer and die with honour."

"Right" The teen only said as he chanted in his mind:

/Go and die, Itachi; go and die, Itachi; go and die, Itachi; go and.../

"And why exactly are you here? I have work to do," He pointed at a pile of documents on his desk and then at the half opened door leading to the corridor. "If it's nothing more important than this staring-contest, then just leave... plan to revenge your family's deaths or something..."

Sasuke shifted a little on his chair and shook his head.

"It's important" He started and pretended that he didn't hear the 'I bet.' that came from Itachi. "It's about Naruto" This surely attracted Itachi's attention. "Why did you give him to me? I don't get it."

"Well you wanted him... didn't you?" Innocent smile, much the same as the one Sasuke gave him earlier was now placed on Itachis face.

"Oh, for christsake, Itachi! You know perfectly well that I don't do boys! I only did that to piss you off. I'm not as sick as you are!" The boy stated, disgust shown clearly on his pale face.

"Sasuke, let's just say..." Itachis eyes left teens face for a split of second as he watched small figure which was standing in the door frame, and returned to meet his brothers gaze- move so fast that it went unnoticed by Sasuke. "... I see it as a challenge. You were trying hard and you proved that you totally suck both in battle skills and intelligence... I want to see if you can at least be persuasive and charming." Itachi said and smiled as Sasuke tried to sort out his thoughts.

"So you want me to... make him fall in love in me?" He asked eventually.

"Love...?" Captains smile turned into grin. "No I want you to fuck him." He stated as if that was the most obvious thing in the whole world.

"I told you: I'M NOT INTO MEN!" Sasuke shouted as his Nii-san only shrugged.

"Oh, big deal, there's no need to freak out. You already kissed him, that's half way through."

"..." Sasuke commented.

"What?" Clueless Itachi asked rising an eyebrow.

"You really are sick! You don't know the difference between kissing and fucking someone? "

"Hey, I'm the older one here..." He said with hurt voice but some devious thought must crossed his mind as he smiled (or rather grinned) demonically (but only inside, his face retaining it's oh-so-bored look). "Well, just say you won't do it. I win by default. You're a useless piece of trash. Now get lost."

Ending the conversation Itachi turned towards the desk and reached for the document on the very top but Sasukes hand slammed on it, making all the papers scatter around in chaos.

"I never said I wouldn't do it," He told Itachi.

"You surely didn't." His brother agreed. "Do you want to hear the rules?"

"Rules?" Sasuke looked a bit confused "What rules?"

Itachis oh-so-bored expression turned into why-the-God-hate's-me-so-much-and-gave-me-such-a-stupid-brother-? while he spoke.

"It's a challenge... it is supposed to have rules... it has to have rules... rules are very important." he explained as if he was talking to a four year old retarded boy.

"But Itachi... You never obey the rules" The boy wasn't as retarded as he looked ...

"Shut up" ... not that it mattered. "Well...you may be right..." Captain admitted and mused about it for a while and suddenly smiled. "I know... they're rules for you... not for me" And nodded grinning widely.

"Can I disagree?" Came a question...

"No."...and a short answer.

"I thought so," Sasuke rolled his eyes already used to his brother antics. "So what are the rules?" He asked.

"First one: You can't force him to sleep with you,"

/OK, that one is quiet understandable/ He thought.

"Second one:...hmm...Nope, there is only one... Have fun." Itachi turned towards his desk once again to take care of his paperwork.

/...right.../

"Oh, and by the way" Before Sasuke had even the time to move his Anikis eyes were, once again, fixed on him. "Why did you pretend?"

"Pretend?" The teen didn't understood.

"You were nice, sweet and candy when you were with him or when he could see you... why? Why did you bother?" Itachi was honestly curious.

"Oh, that..." Sasuke smirked. "I knew it would be better for me to have him on my side... but now with this competition... It was a lucky shot."

"So now you're going to lure him into your bed with smiles and sweet nothings?" Older Uchiha rather stated than asked.

"Yes he's too dumb to see that I'm faking it..." The younger brother smirked, but his grin disappeared slowly when he saw his aniki's expression. He felt that something was wrong, that he was missing something.

"So do you think this will work..." Sasuke opened his mouth to respond but realized that his brother wasn't talking to him, but to someone standing behind him, in the door. "Do you think this will work..." Itachi repeated. " ...Naruto-kun?"

"**HELL NO**!" screeched the boy, and Sasuke thought:

/OK, now I need another plan/

And if you ask me... that was a good idea.

That's it for chappy 2!

Review?


	3. Pretty Kitty?

Well...hello there everybody! I'm back, as U can see. Here's the newest chapter of 'God Hates me'. Sorry it took me so long to write this, but U know, things happens and all.

**Moonlight black rose: **Hello there! I'm really glad that U liked it!

**Kitsuned: **I'm sorry it took me so long. But I swear I have a good eqcus...cough reason cough. X)

**RickaZcurser: **I think the most beautiful death is from cookies over dosage. Please kill me X3 ! Ummm... I think you don't rally like Sasuke in my fic, right?

**Chibi Strawberry: ...**pirate puppy... I have an evil idea... thank you... B)

**My smile hides my pain: **We meet once again :) I'm really happy you liked it.

**kitsunechibiko: **How did U know Sasuke's going to mess up... wait... stupid question... he always do that ;P

**PirateCaptainBo: **Hello there, Bo& Ski. I have a felling you are IxN fans... but maybe I'm wrong?

**Audreonna:**... kurai... is that U?... I don't think I need to say anything. I can bet all my money (not that I have any) that you'll know why, when you read the chapter title... I'm waiting for a review from you! X3

**BigEyes : **Yup, Evil Itachi is the best!!!... or is it only me and BigEyes?

**Ice Princess' of Slithern-B T: **Thanks.

**liar-just-a-liar: **:) btw. I love your nick X 

**Samantai: ** Masterpiece... masterpiece...masterpiece stunned

**Jirian-Hatake:** Here you are, hope you'll like this one as well!

Chapter 3

Pretty Kitty?

'...' Naruto thoughts

/.../ Sasuke thoughts

"So... You left the room while Iruka wasn't watching because he didn't let you eat ramen?" Itachi asked with amazed voice.

"Yes, can you believe that he said that Ramen, Ramen of all things, is unhealthy!!!" Naruto was shaking his head in horror. "...Unhealthy my ass..." He snorted to himself taking a long sip of his mug filled with instant ramen.

The three of them were currently sitting in Captains cabin and chatting. Well... Itachi and Naruto were chatting and Sasuke was glaring daggers at them. Blond boy must have felt it because he shifted uncomfortably.

"Itachi-san, I think I'll go... sightseeing. You know... ship an all..." As he said that, he stood up and run through the door.

"You scared him Sa-chan." Itachi smirked.

"Oh just fuck off, will ya... I-chan" And Sasuke tried his best not to laugh at his brothers face expression... and failed miserably.

When Naruto left the room, he managed to make only few steps when the door behind him opened. He looked back and saw Sasuke.

'OK, this is going to be hellishly pleasant chat' The boy thought when the older teen closed the distance between them, smiling brightly.

/Concentrate Sasuke, and try not to fuck it all up more than it already is!/

"Hey Naruto-kun! If you're going to explore the ship I can give you a tour."

/OK, this should work. He's on enemy territory. He's frightened. So... he would like to be with person he already knows, right?/ Wrong.

"No." Blond answered, before turning around and living Sasuke alone.

'Don't try to pretend I don't know about the bet you asshole!' Naruto thought angrily.

/Ugh... You. Little. Brat... When this all is over I swear to God, you'll end up as a fish-food!/ As you can see Sasuke deep inside is sweet and loving... or maybe not.

"Naruto-kun! Wait up!" Sasuke chased after the boy. He almost crashed into him when said blond stopped dead in his track.

"What. Do. You. Want?!" He asked younger Uchiha and glared at him. That was the moment Sasuke realized that maybe the blond wasn't that stupid and gullible after all.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?" All sweets and flowers were gone. Now before Naruto stood real Sasuke: angry, irritated and to say at least, not very happy. The boy was slightly thrown out of balance by that sudden change, but nodded nonetheless.

"I'm not into men. And even if I was gay, I wouldn't touch you. I don't like stupid blondes like you! As soon as this whole bet ends, with my win of course, you'll disappear from this ship. So better just give in, or I swear I can change you're life into a living hell..."

For the first time since Sasuke started to talk he looked at Naruto's face directly... and his eye twitched. The boy was currently observing his nails as if it was the most interesting thing in the whole world. Blond yawned, bored look on his face. When silence grew longer Naruto asked:

"You finished?" And when stunned Sasuke didn't answered he said:

"Good." And left.

'I would like to see how you're going to win this bet Sasuke, I would really love to!'

First coherent and censorial thought that crossed Sasuke mind was:

/Naruto. You. Are. Oh. So. Dead. Meat./

"Ne, Kakashi-san, will this hurt?" Scared boy asked the silver-haired man who was currently uncapping some glass bottles.

"Yup." Was the only answer the boatswain gave, and he received a death-glare from Naruto for his entirely too cheerful attitude.

'Well thanks a lot for the comforting words, Kakashi-san!' The boy thought, shifting a little on the chair. He muttered something to himself.

"What did you say? I didn't heard you." The man asked walking towards small cupboard and soon returning. This time however he was holding a large set of... needles.

'Oh, holy shit...'

"I said, 'Do I really need this crest-thing?' " Naruto repeated.

"You certainly don't." Kakashi answered and then, when he saw wide smile on blondes face and hope in his eyes, added:

"But Itachi-san told me to do it, so I will."

And then the boatswain sat on the stool facing Naruto and reached out.

"Give me your hand." Boy hesitantly obeyed.

"Ne, Kakashi-san, how does this crest look like?" Naruto asked panicked when the man took one of the needles. Sighting, Kakashi rolled up sleeve of his black shirt. He showed boy the tattoo- white and red fan.

"That's how it looks like. Anything else before I start?" You could tell he was starting to get irritated. And to his surprise (and annoyance) there was yet another question.

"Can you give me a painkiller?" The boy asked with hope.

The mans eye twitched few times before wide smile graced his masked face. He said:

"But of course I can!"

"Really?" Boy asked grinning happily.

"Yes, you won't feel a thing when I will be making the tattoo. Just stand up and turn around." When Naruto did as he was told to, Kakashi formed a seal with his hands and said:

"Secret jutsu: Thousand years of pain!"

And he was right. Naruto passed out before boatswain even started to make the tattoo.

Later, when Naruto regained consciousness, he left Kakashi's cabin limping. He entered Itachi's room without knocking, a pained expression on his face.

"So, was it painful?" The Captain asked with a smirk.

A thought crossed boy's mind before he answered.

"Yes, my butt hurts all over like hell." Naruto whined going towards the bed, trying to make his limping more visible. He sat on the bed and hissed when his bottom touched the mattress. He wasn't sure if this trick would do, but it didn't hurt to try, right?

When he saw Itachi's face he had only time to think: 'Bingo!', before Uchiha yelled:

"KAKASHI!!!"

'Oh yeah, Kakashi-san, it's pay-back time!'

Because even sweet Ramen-loving angels sometimes can be evil.

A few days passed quickly and life on the pirate ship was as peaceful as it could be that kind of boat. Naruto slowly got used to the thought that he was going to stay with Uchiha bastards. He even somehow managed to survive few encounters with Kisame and Sasuke... OK, when he met them he just ran away. So? It's also a kind of tactic. Extremely cowardly, but successful.

Surprisingly he found himself getting closer to Itachi of all people. He spent almost all his time in raven-haired man's room, watching him read, sign papers or talk with some crewmembers. Well, the main reason for this state may be the fact that Itachi always seemed to have some Ramen to treat the blond, but whatever...

That day, the Captain was sitting in his cabin with Kakashi discussing over documents when the door slowly opened and Naruto entered the room. Without a word, he sat beside the Uchiha's chair, small pout on his face.

Absent-minded Itachi petted boy's head and returned to his talk with the boatswain. But if he thought that Naruto can be ignored so easily he was ohsowrong.

The boy sighed...no, he didn't sighed, he SIGHED, but he was still ignored. So he coughed lightly. Still no good. One more time. Nothing. Harder. Still ignored.

When he opened his mouth to try once again Captain spoke:

"Naruto, if you cough one more time I'll send you to Iruka. I'll tell him to keep you for a month and not give you any ramen." When he was sure that blondes throat was miraculously cured, so there was no coughing, he asked:

" Now tell me what's the matter?"

"I'm bored." The boy stated simply.

"Bored?" Itachi's voice was full of surprise. "And why is that?"

"Well..." Naruto thought for a while before answering. "We're only sailing around and doing nothing... Ne, Itachi-san, can we stop somewhere? On some kind of island!" The boy's eyes shined with excitement, and he spoke with widely gesturing hands. "We'll find some inhabited island and search through it, maybe we'll find something. A treasure for example!"

Itachi was going to stop this nonsense at once but Kakashi spoke before he had a chance:

"It would be a good idea Captain. We need to replenish our supplies. Water, some fruits and meat, if we hunt, would be good."

Itachi mused a bit before asking:

"Can't it wait till we reach Suna?"

And when silver-haired man shook his head Uchiha sighted in defeat.

"OK, Kakashi. Give the necessary orders to stop at next big island."

Older man nodded and left, leaving the room living the doors open for some reason. Naruto didn't care though. He jumped to his feet and threw himself at Itachi, hugging him tightly and screaming:

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Itachi-san!"

With mischievous grin Uchiha also hugged the boy, not passing by an occasion to feel up the blondes ass in the process. Naruto yelped in surprise and Itachi took his chance, kissing him. He slipped his tongue into boy's hot mouth and caressed Narutos tongue with his own. He sucked it hard and to his surprise the blond started to kiss back. But Itachi wasn't the one to complain, oh no!

The make out session lasted for almost two minutes before Naruto broke the kiss in the need of air. He was panting harshly, his whole body trembling as he stared at the captain. Itachi only smirked and kissed the boy softly on the nose, sighing contently. Then he stood up and remove Narutos arms from his neck ('How the hell did they ended up there?!') and lifted him up without effort. Uchiha made few steps and put the boy onto the bed, then... turned around with the words:

"Rest here, I have some work to do." And he left closing the doors behind him.

Naruto wasn't sure if he should be happy or pissed of. Well there was only one thing he was certain about: he was left alone with little..., or maybe not so little 'problem'.

"You alright, otouto? You're drooling." Itachi was smiling,... no he was leering at the teen before him. Sasuke was standing there, unable to move.

/Naruto threw himself at Itachi. He did it himself ... That bastard hadn't ordered it him to...

W.T.F?!/ OK, as you can see, the young Uchiha was a little bit confused.

And the older one was having ohsomuchfun!

"Are you sure you're not gay? You sure seem... moved by that little show of Naru-chan's affection. He does that quite often, I'm surprised it's your first time seeing it..." Yeah, Itachi is a lying bastard... anyone surprised? Thought not.

"Shut it, Itachi... You haven't won yet." Sasuke spat out.

"You're right... not YET." Let me tell you... Remember our little bet?" Sasuke nodded crossing his arms. "And the rule?" Another nod. "OK, so let me tell you this: I won't break the rule... there's simply no need for it. He'll come to me by himself."

Sasuke snorted rolling his eyes and said:

"Always the humble one, aren't we, Itachi?"

The man nodded and smiled brightly... in a way that made the teen shiver.

"Come with me, I'll show you some proof."

And he moved back to the door of his cabin, waving at Sasuke. His brother moved closer and frowned when Itachi put a finger on his lips, telling him to be quiet.

"Just listen, otouto, just listen..."

Meanwhile, Naruto was still lying on the bed, tossing his head from side to side. His fists clenched onto the sheets under him, as he was trying his best to remain calm.

Finally his body won- he reached out to where his body needed it the most. His shaking fingers moved onto the bulge in his pants and he caressed it lightly. The boy hissed at the friction, however it soon changed into moans as his movements quickened. But it was still not enough.

Clenching his teeth blond unbuckled his belt and slid his hand under the hem of his pants and boxers. When Narutos fingers eventually fisted his erection directly, a loud moan escaped from the boy's mouth. He started pumping it, pace quick and firm.

Soon his whole body was covered with a thin layer of sweat. The teens breath was shaky and erratic, his eyes closed shut.

On the other side of the door Itachi smirked when he heard loud moan. On the contrary, Sasuke looked ready to pass out.

"Is there any reason why we are here?"

The younger Uchiha sweat-dropped when his aniki leered.

"Have some patience, Sasuke-chan, you'll... hear soon enough." He said.

And, as if Naruto heard him, yet another loud moan came. This time, however, it sounded like a muffled word. A name, to be precise.

"He's a bit too quiet to hear clearly... " Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin when Itachi spoke.

Naruto seemed to be taking the hint and the last word, when he climaxed, was screamed out.

"..." Itachi was frowning. That wasn't the one he expected. It didn't change anything. He thought it may help him break his brothers will to fight, but in this situation...

"Anything else... Uchiha Itachi?" Sasuke, that little brat, was smirking.

"No, that's all... Uchiha Sasuke." And then they headed onto the deck.

In the cabin Naruto remained still on the bed. And believe me, he was really confused. From all things to expect this one surely was an unusual one.

In the quiet room his voice was clearly heard:

"Why the hell did I scream, "Uchiha"?!"

The sailors were doing their best to stabilize the little boats, but they were still jumping wildly on tall waves.

Most crewmembers, the red eyed brothers and Naruto, were squeezed into a few launches, rowing to a rather large island. Well... of course neither of the Uchiha were actually paddling. Nor Naruto. He proved to be the worst rower ever and was currently sulking on the bow. The fact that Sasuke kept giving him strange looks didn't help.

But the blond boy soon returned to his usual happy-go-lucky self. They went ashore on a white beach where the sand was warm and soft. Naruto didn't let the chance slip. He threw off his shoes and started to run forward.

Well... that, at least, was his plan. Strong hand grabbed his collar successfully stopping him.

"Itachi-san, I wanna play!" Naruto whined, but the captain was clearly not interested in what the blond wanted.

"You stay with me, or you go back onto the ship. You can decide." And when boy only sighed in defeat he smirked. "Right decision."

And so it went. Sailors scattered through the jungle in search of food and water. But Naruto was... playing in the sand near Itachi so the captain could watch over him.

Kisame cursed his fate while slashing the plants that grow on his path. Shark-man was searching for sweet water, but so far he was out of luck.

Suddenly he stopped, staying still. Before him the bushes started to rustle as if something was hiding in it. He stepped closer cautiously and looked through the branches. And what he saw made him smile widely.

"Oh, you're going to love this one, Itachi!"

Naruto was bored. Really bored.

Most of the crewmen have already returned and they started to pack the food onto the boats. After few minutes boy grew tired of watching them and looked around. Then he heard some noise. His head turned in that direction and he saw something absolutely delightful. He jumped on his feet and run to the source of the sound.

Itachi was hearing out the reports so he didn't realized immediately that Naruto left. However, when he noticed that the blond was kneeling in the sand about 30 meters away, he was calm for a moment. Notice the keywords: 'for the moment'.

"Naruto! Leave. That. Alone.!." Captain yelled rushing towards the boy. Said teen turned around. He stood up hugging something to his chest.

"Ne, why Itachi-san? It's so cute and harmless! Look at it!"

Boy was smiling brightly and cradling a... baby-tiger in his arms.

"Because it's mother..." Arrived.

Before Uchiha could finish the sentence loud roar came. Behind Naruto stood really angry tiger.

OK, that one maybe wasn't so cute and harmless...

OK, now review or Naruto's going to end up as an appetizer ;P


	4. Condition

Hello there everybody! I really have a very good excu... cough, cough reason why it took me so long to upload this. I just can't remember what it was... OK, now seriously- i had this chapter completed about a week after posting the third one but I had some problems so... Just enjoy it K'? It's quite short, but...

Also I wanted to thank you all for those great reviews I received! Thanks for reading! Hope you'll like this one too.

**Ayumi-tenshi: **Oh, I'm glad you liked it! Well Itachi is ALWAYS evil when he's with Sasuke... Lets say its kinda genetic... X3

**Kitsuned: **It's nice to see U again Kitsuned! Here's the new chappy- I'm sorry it took me so long...

**RickaZcurser: **Kabuto-chan! Come here! Kabuto runs away terrified Hey at least leave my cookies!... Thank you for your review. You're wonderful as usual :)

**My smile hides my pain: **Yes!!! Another cookie provider! Thank you for your kind words ;)

**ellacrain: **You were correct, Uchihas just couldn't leave him there, could they? XP And I'm happy you liked it!

**audreonna : **It's, as I wrote in my profile, I'm from Poland so I originally speak Polish. It's said to be the most or the second most difficult language to learn in the world so... You get my point... But after reading your review I must say I freaking blushed. Thank U!

**PirateCaptainBo: **Yo Bo, Ski! Glad to see you two again. Umm... so mommy-tiger was too pissed off to realize that she should be tamed by Naruto and ended up dead... And as for Kisame you'll see what he have found in the next chapter X)

**Sephorith : **Thanks and I hope you'll enjoy this one as well.

**Samantai: **So you hate me, huh? Well you may have some reasons ( I don't have the slightest idea ... lol). Well you're honest at least..

**liger: **As you wished here's the update... so I'm a bit late... sorry?

**Popular culture: **As we all...

**msmf2: **X3 Just for U I'm going to let him live... Hey, Naruto make sure to thank msmf2! He bows politely and runs off to eat some Ramen Uhh, as usual..

**okapiluver: **Hay here's an update, hope you'll like this one as well.

**kylie: **

Itachi&Sasuke: Yeah, let him get laid!

Naruto Yeah! Let me get ... what!?!?

X3

Chapter 4

"A pet "

'...' Naruto thoughts

/.../ Sasuke thoughts

...+ Itachi thoughts

Sasuke was giving commands to the sailors who were loading the supplies. He was irritated to say at least. And it wasn't about his current job, not at all. To be honest he loved giving orders and having the power. The thing he was pissed off about was the bet.

The fucking bet! It was already two weeks since it started and he was nowhere near winning it! Naruto dashed out of the room whenever Sasuke walked in or kept ignoring him while listening to others. Even when he managed to corner the blond boy when he was alone it still lead nowhere since, miraculously, Itachi would appear almost instantly...

The young Uchiha thought that maybe this whole island expedition will help him to get close to the blond when the captain would be busy. But no! That bastard Itachi was like a hawk, eyes leaving Naruto only for a split of second and soon returning, to check out what the boy was doing. Oh, and he told Sasuke to stay near the boats, to manage the loading... Do I really need to tell you that the boats and Naruto were on opposite sides of the beach where they went ashore? Yeah, everybody could figure that one out...

His trail of thoughts was suddenly stopped when he heard his brother scream something to Naruto. Sasuke thought it was kind of off, as Itachi never really yelled. His whisper was always enough to immediately make everybody pay attention.

/That Dobe must have tried really hard to made the bastard that mad./ The teen thought turning his head in direction, he knew, Itachi was standing. Well, he wasn't really expecting anything normal, since Itachi wouldn't be so pissed off and thrown out of balance by something trivial, but...hmm.. Let's say he really wasn't expecting THAT.

/Dobe... You're dead./

Itachi tried to calm down. He really did. But who could be calm when a fucking TIGER was about twenty meters away from his prey. Yes, Naruto was his prey, and anybody who thought otherwise was, to put it plainly and simple, stupid. He didn't waste the last two weeks to prepare a meal for some freaking beast!

Composing himself, Itachi slowed down a little when the animal growled angrily at his fast movements. His hand reached towards the blade he had with him. When his fingers brushed against the handle, he grabbed it tightly and drawed the sword.

Lets see whose going to win this one.+ OK... Itachi is a competitive bastard... but we all love him, right? XD

Naruto who was the main, if not the only, reason for this situation was currently thinking, trying to find a solution. What kind of solution? Well that kind which secured his life and health. The rest (Itachis and Sasukes mental-health, their safety, world peace, aliens attack, and so on, and so forth...) were just some details, and who cares about details? Surely not Naruto.

It seamed that the tiger-mama didn't liked to be ignored for long, since another loud roar came. The animals tail was slashing the air angrily as it approached the blond, who was still cradling the tiger cub in his arms.

Naruto slowly backed away, trying to get as close to Uchiha as it was possible. He turned his head slightly to search for some clues on how to behave from the raven-haired man, but stopped dead in his tracks. The expression on Itachi's face... wasn't nice. It kind of told him that slow and painful death was a real possibility for him... very slow...and very painful.

'...this is supposed to be a part where a prince on a white horse rescues me... and the prince is now glaring at me, trying to burn holes in my skull... Fucking, great!'

Because, Naruto, this is not a fairytale. This is a fan-fiction.

Sasuke was having a dilemma. Should he:

a.) Help Itachi rescue the blond, and after all this ends, earn a bit of respect from his brother?

b.) Stay still and pray for the tiger to win, and then be the captain of the ship, lead a easy life without his bastard of a brother or the annoying blond?

Really hard choice, ne?

As most of you, I'm sure, have guessed, Sasuke preferred the second option. Well, but he was hesitating. Why? Because it's Itachi we're talking about. The teen had a feeling that his aniki wasn't the one who will end as a meal in this fight. No, if he knew anything about his brother, he was sure that for the next few days, they were going to have tiger meat for the dinner on the ship.

Sighing, he moved forward to help.

Itachi felt someone approaching and for a moment he was angry. He signaled to the crew that they should all stay where they were. Then, however he was quite surprised and mildly amused when he realized it was his otouto.

At least he's not a coward.+ Uchiha thought still inching forward towards Naruto (and the tiger), Sasuke right behind.

Both brothers were quiet, not wanting to provoke the beast. Itachi made only few signals with his hand and Sasuke immediately knew what his brother wanted him to do. The older Uchiha was going to attack the tiger, and the younger one was supposed to grab the blond and drag him aside. It was a good plan.

Except that not all plans works out. Especially when you include Naruto as a part of a one.

'Calm down Naruto, Itachi's going to help you.' The boy tried to reassure himself. 'He's not a heartless bastard whose going to stay and watch a tiger eat you alive...surely... he'll... help... Who the fuck am I kidding!?' And the blond panicked. Very bad move, if I may add- the tiger attacked. The boy turned around and started to run fast. And when I say fast, I mean it.

Both Uchiha had only enough time to see something whizz past them followed closely by a very angry tiger. And unfortunately for poor Naruto, it was too close. With a final triumphant roar it jumped into the air, intending to land on top of the blond and rip his throat out. But Naruto tripped.

He felt on the sand and the tiger flew above him. It landed gracefully and turned around to attack one more time but it didn't have a chance.

One of many knives Itachi owned cut the air swiftly and sunk deeply into animals skull. Uchiha knew it was still not enough, because the beast still could attack, not knowing yet that it was dead. So without hesitation he ran towards the tiger and cut its head off, barely avoiding the long claws that could cut him into ribbons.

Man turned around, and saw Sasuke kneeling by the blonds side and helping him up. When the boy was standing Itachi spoke:

"Naruto..."

Teen shivered and slowly turned around only to see two crimson orbs locked on his cerulean ones. Sasuke stepped aside, not wanting to get caught in the hell he was sure his aniki had prepared for Naruto.

...and he was right.

When everything was packed and all men were ready to return to the ship, Naruto started to scream.

"I told you, Itachi-san, that I can't leave it alone! It'll die!" Said boy yelled holding the baby-tiger close to his chest. "It's too small to survive on its own! Some big animal will come and eat it!" Big blue eyes looked pleadingly into red ones, round face (with one swollen cheek) forming a sweet pout.

Sasuke who was standing nearby only smirked.

/There's no way that the Bastard going to allow you take that beast on-board./

"And I care because...?" Itachi was standing before the blond, arms crossed. As you can see, he wasn't the happiest man in the world. No, he was rather in the last ten in the ranking of the happiest people, and that tells you something.

"Because it's not fair! I'm the reason it's mother is dead! I have to take care of him... he's an orphan..." Cerulean eyes started to fill with tears, lips trembling. "Itachi-san please, I beg you, let me keep him... I'll do anything... just please..."

...anything?...+ That word definitely caught his attention.

An evil grin spread on captains face, as devious thoughts crossed his mind.

"OK, Naruto. I think we can make a compromise on this one..."

Oh, Naru-chan, I think you once again got into trouble...

OK, that's all for ch4. Oh, and try guessing what condition Itachi's going to make X3... The first person who gets it right can... lets see... choose one character from 'Naruto' that's going to be added in the next chapters!

So... review and tell me if you liked it!


	5. And the name is

Oh... I'm still alive? Yup seems so. Sorry it took me so long to update, but you know... I had fanfics to read, anime to watch, pictures to draw and all that important things one does in his life... hmmm...

OK, just enjoy this chapter and tell me what do you think.

**a Pr0uD oRcHaDoRk: ** Thanks! And yes... Naruto is too cute for his own good...

**RickaZcurser : **Oh, and here is one of my favorite reviewers! And I so love you for the longest review I ever received! What else... Oh thx for the cookies... and for Kabuto... I'm still playing with him. He said hi and that he hates you because you were cruel enough to send him to me... Hey, I'm not (so) bad! X3 Hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

**PirateCaptainBo: **Hello you two. Sorry but you were both wrong with your guesses... hmm a dress... /evil smirk/

**msmf2: **Yup, everything Itachi does is to make Sasuke mad... this time it won't be any different.. ;)

**kitsunechibiko: **You really killed me with your answer... and any way I look at it... you were right... hmm X3 let's think about this...

**Samantai: **Oh, it's good to hear that you don't hate me anymore...one person less from kill-them-list... that's good... ammo is so expensive nowadays... Hope you'll like this chapter!

**Audreonna: **Yup, poor her. Oh... And I want to see that picture!

**Ore no Naruto: **Well, someone already told me that. But I cant find it here, is it on some other site?

**XxKitsunedxX: ..**. glad you liked it.. and about the character... you should have tried guessing!

**Anonymous Sister of the Author: **You were right! I think you meant sex when you wrote 'sleep with me', but hey, you used the right words! I'll add Naji later on! Hope you'll like it.

**Smutyaoifan: **Thanks. I also like Gaara, but you should have tried to guess!

**RaitenKitsune: **As you wished, here's the update. Hope you'll enjoy it.

**Akri07: **Thank you! And it seams like many people like both Neji and Gaara... Too bad you didn't tried to guess the answer to the question.

**RuByMoOn17: **Here you go! X3 I hope you'll like this one.

**Karina : **An update for U :)

**KonomakiAsuni: **Many people answered that he's going to dress him in some woman clothes... I should use it later...But sadly no, that's not the right answer. But i'll think about Genma, because I also really like him X)

**KrisCat15: **Well, thank you ;)

**terrier : **Here you go. I hope that you're going to like it.

**Kylie:**... are you bald now?... Sorry,couldn't help it! Hope you'll like this chapter!

**Chapter 5**

"**And the name is..."**

"What do you mean 'sleep with you' ?" Naruto asked, sitting on the bed in Itachis room. His legs were hanging about 10 centimeters above the floor, too short to reach it.

They got back only few minutes earlier and everyone was still occupied with transporting the supplies. Including Sasuke, who was pissed off beyond imagining when captain told him to supervise the work. Again.

"Well, so far you only slept with the rest of the crew, in the common room. Now you're going to sleep in my room." The man answered from where he was currently leaning against the wall and inspecting his nails.

Anyone, even a blind-man, could tell that Itachi was happy... no, not happy- ecstatic. That stupid island trip ended up as a perfect excuse to make a move on the blond teen. There were few dangerous situations but it all ended well. They got the food, the water, and the occasion to ravish the blond. It was utterly perfect. Well, you could say that the cub, which was now sleeping on his bed, was a small drawback, but whatever...

"But when you say sleep you mean sleep- not sex, right ?" There was hesitation in those cerulean eyes and the smirk spreading on the Uchiha's face did nothing to calm the boy. Naruto was pouting in a way that made him look absolutely adorable.

Cute+ Itachi thought.

"But of course. No sex, just sleep." A beautiful fake smile graced the mans face when he tried hard not to grin.

'OK... why do I have a feeling this is a trap of some kind?' Because it is, Naru-chan...

"And... if I say no?" Well it was worth a try...

"We'll see if the kitty can swim." ...but the effect was quite predictable.

The boy desperately tried to find another solution but found none. He scratched back of his head, sighing in defeat and nodding his agreement.

Itachi pushed himself away from the wall and stood right in front of the boy. He leaned down and gave the boy a quick peck on the lips.

"OK then, I'll see you tonight." He straightened himself and left, making sure that Naruto missed the leer that flashed on his face.

The blond stared blankly at the air before himself when a quiet roar came from his side. The tiger woke up and after quick stretching, jumped down onto the floor. It eyed the room carefully and focused it's attention on the boy. After few minutes when it made sure that Naruto wasn't a threat the cub came closer. It came to the blond to 'hunt' his feet which were dangling in the air.

Naruto smiled and moved his legs a little to play with the pet. He watched it for a while but then his gaze drifted to a small window. Itachi's room was the only one under the deck with a window, even if it was only a single small one.

He brooded over all the things that had happened since he ran away from his home. Since he ended up on a pirate ship...

'I wonder what tousan and aniki are doing right now... are they worried about me...' He mused, a sad expression slipping on his face.

He heard a small snort and once again looked at the cub with a soft smile.

"Hey, little one. I hope you behave and appreciate all the things I'm doing for youuuuuuuaaahh!" The teen started to scream his head off when sharp teeth sank into his foot. Scared, the animal withdrew quickly and jumped to hide in the corner.

"Why the hell did you do that ?!" Naruto yelled but his only answer was a quiet growl coming from the tigers belly.

"...I think you're hungry... Let's grab something to eat!" He jumped onto his feet, wincing a bit when his abused limb started to hurt more than when he was sitting. He carefully neared the cub and gently lifted it.

He was already limping toward the doors when a brilliant thought hit him:

"Hey... do tigers eat Ramen?"

An hour later Naruto and his pet were full and happy.

After few tries the blond realized that maybe noodles weren't the best food for the baby-tiger, and gave it some raw meat. It was from Uchiha's personal stockpile but whatever, it won't hurt them if they won't find out, right?

That was a beginning of a great friendship based on love, trust and food. And it all would be perfect except for one thing:

"How should I name you?" The boy pondered. He tried few names but none of them sounded right. Even the cub was plainly dissatisfied with everything the blond thought up.

This continued for few minutes before his musing was stopped. The door leading to the kitchen opened and three men entered the room: Itachi, followed closely by his brother and Kakashi.

"Naruto-kun what are you doing here" The captain was, to say the least, surprised. He thought that the boy would stay in their room and blush or something... He didn't expect to find him in the kitchen with a sleeping tiger on his knees.

Well, at least in the beginning it looked as if it was asleep. After closer inspection Itachi realized that it was, for the lack of a better word, glaring at him through half-closed eyes.

...WTF...?+ The man thought. Well... at least he now knew that their feelings of dislike were mutual. He heard his brother snicker.

"Oh, how sweet. Look, Aniki, he likes you!" Sasuke was having fun from this situation. He was still mad at Itachi... well he had been since he was like ...8 years old, so why stop now, ne? "And when you look closely, you both have that oh-please-shoot-me kind of expression!"

Itachi glared.

Sasuke glared back.

Kakashi sweatdroped.

Naruto...

"I KNOW!" Naruto shouted suddenly and jumping slightly, earning surprised look from everyone in the room and annoyed grunt from the cub.

Naruto was just his usual loud and hyperactive self.

"I'll call it Ita-chan!" He chirped.

For a moment nobody understood what the hell was he talking about but then it clicked.

"No freaking way." Itachi and Sasuke said in unison.

OK... I know why I don't want it to be named after me (a/n. I wonder why...XP) but

what about otouto?" The captain, as well as the rest, were puzzled.

"Why not?" Naruto voiced their curiosity looking at the younger Uchiha.

He wasn't surprised that Itachi objected... hell, he would be suprised if the raven haired man remained quiet! But Sasuke should be pleased to have a reason to mock his aniki...

" Naruto... even a Dobe like you should know that names are important things in life." The blond glared at the 'dobe' part but didn't say anything, instead choosing to wait patiently and insult Sasuke later."It determines what you become in the future, what kind of characteristics you'll have..." And when the raven haired teen received only stares from everyone he yelled:

"Do you really want to have another Itachi on this ship, even if it is a tiger?!"

Naruto, Kakashi and older Uchiha thought for a moment... and paled.

Now everybody (even Kakashi agreed with the Uchihas) were opposed naming the cub Ita-chan... They glared, yelled, glared, screamed, glared, tried to reason with him, glared some more and so back and forth.

Well, it was so obvious that Naruto didn't gave a shit about their opinion. First he was like „I-don't-understand-why-are you-mad". Then when it wasn't working he started the „I-don't-understand-Japanese" act... And after few more minutes he just started to pretend that he was temporarily deaf.

A few hours later, when the living hell Itachi&Co unleashed calmed down, the blond boy found himself strolling back and forth on the main deck. It was slowly but steadily getting dark and the air growing cold. The pale moon shone between dark clouds, making the water look like silver.

Naruto's steps became slower and slower, his arms slumped down. But he wasn't tired... no, really, he wasn't... Oh, just buzz of! It's not like he didn't want to go sleep with Itachi, right!? He just wanted to enjoy this beautiful night, the moon and the stars... OK, who was he trying to kid?

It was, to say at least, awkward. Sleeping with another male? And it was the same one who molested him every occasion he got? Well the boy couldn't say that it was unpleasant or anything... because it was really pleasurable. But the fact remained that the captain was doing it only to win the bet, and not because he liked him. It was obvious, even to the oblivious Naruto, that Itachi was going to ditch him as soon as he was done with him.

So why, in this situation, did he feel uncertain as to what to do? Well, it's just that the part of him that was (temporarily) in control told him to stay outside as long as possible and pray that Itachi's going to fall into coma while waiting for him...The other part of him (especially the bottom half) wanted to go to the captains room, jump on the bed, tear Itachi clothes off, ravish man's mouth and.. and... you get the point...

While strolling, Naruto didn't realized that he was being observed. A pair of red eyes were locked on him, trailing every move the blond made, with pale lips upturned in a smirk. Sasuke was standing only a few steps away but even though the moon was shining some parts of the deck were dark with shadow. He was leaning against the wall in one of those shady spots. Waiting. Watching. And thinking.

/Well it looks that Itachi is not oh-so-drop-dead-gorgeous if Naruto is afraid to go to him./ The raven haired teen mused, a bit amused.

He knew that his brother was going to go ballistic when he finds out that the blond wasn't in their room. They were together only few minutes ago discussing their plans. It usually took them much less time, but this evening Itachi seemed to extend the strategic meeting on purpose. Sasuke didn't have the slightest idea why his Aniki decided to do that, but to be honest he didn't really care.

Sasuke was extremely pissed of when he heard about the condition his brother made. He was almost 100 sure that this night he was going to lose the bet. There was no way that the older Uchiha was going to let the perfect occassion slip through his fingers. It was over.

So there he was, wandering on the main deck, trying hard not to get as depressed as he knew he was going to. But there he was: a blond boy walking back and forth under the stars. He seemed more delicate and fragile in the dim moonlight.

And then it hit him: this was his perfect chance! Even if Naruto acted normally he HAD to be freaked out by those sleeping agreements. Anybody would.

And when you looked closely enough you could see it: nervous hands movements, teeth biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. And then that sexy tongue darting out to lick the crimson liquid.

/... Sasuke you just didn't thing 'sexy tongue' and kissable lips... Hey I did think about the tongue, but what's with those lips!?... But they sure are kissable. Well, lets be honest, Naruto really is fuckable...?...NO he's NOT FUCKABLE!!! He's a GUY! He's annoying, stupid, irritating, sweet, cute and God, so fuckable...Oh, lets just get it over with, shall we?/

The younger Uchiha moved out from the shadow which hid him from the cerulean eyes. Seven fast steps and he was behind Naruto, arms sneaking round his waist. The boy haven't even noticed him coming closer until he was locked in Saukes arms, his back pressed against Uchihas firm stomach.

Startled blond jumped in surprise and a quiet yelp escaped his lips. He turned sharply to see who was hugging him from behind and when he realized who it was he yelled:

"Sasuke-teme, let me go you bastard! You..." But the raven haired teen cut in:

"Oh, shut it Dobe." He said... and helped him- by pressing his lips on the blonds.

He moaned. Naruto's taste was intoxicating, he needed more of it. Without thinking he harshly turned the boy around and when they were face to face, he grabbed the blonds thighs and picked him up, slamming the blonds back into the nearest wall.

After Naruto realized what was happening, he started to fight back in order to free himself from Sasukes grasp. His legs kicked the air furiously and his arms hit raven's back constantly. It didn't last long though. When the younger boy tried to yell, Uchiha depended the kiss, his tongue slipping into blonds mouth, exploring every inch of it. Naruto felt a hot, wet muscle slide against his one, inviting it to the game. The young boy gave up. He responded eagerly to the kiss, at first a bit awkwardly but then he just let the instinct take over, like he did in the kiss with Itachi.

Moans filled the air as they continued to make out. The younger boy locked his legs on Sasukes hips and started to rub his hips against the other teen. He earned a sweet moan from the Uchiha, whose hands moved slightly higher as he groped Naruto's ass, massaging it through the pants.

/Now... let's take this off.../ He thought smirking.


End file.
